If the Truth Be Told......

If the truth be told...  I'm struggling a bit.  Over three years ago I made a decision to lose weight and gain my life back.  I accomplished that goal in a year and have been enjoying my new life ever since.  Maybe enjoying it too much as I've been watching the number slowly but surely creep upward on my scale.  This week I saw it read a number I hadn't seen in three years.  It showed 10 lbs higher than my lowest weight.  Now some of you will read that and roll your eyes.  "10 lbs?  That's it?"  "You've lost 90 so what's the worry with losing 10?"  Some of you will scream at me from the top of your lungs, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!?  YOU'VE WORKED TOO HARD!  YOU MUST GET IT TOGETHER!"  One friend told me that I needed to get in a room with myself and figure it out!  I actually loved that advice.  When struggling with something that could ruin your life, some tough love is just what the doctor ordered.

So get in a room with myself to figure it out is just what I did.  I thought long and hard about what the difference between my life now and two years ago when I reached my weight loss goal.  Here is what I realized in looking at the last six months of my life:

1. Living healthy and keeping the weight off was no longer my priority.  I was too busy to maintain a consistent workout schedule.  Yes I workout, but if the opportunity arises and something else "comes up" - I'm more than happy to cross off my plans to workout.
2. I discovered a new restaurant in Mishawaka, "Fiesta Tapitia" which is a relative to my favorite "Fiesta Mexicana" in Plymouth.  They have the same menu..... AND they serve Mountain Dew.  Can you say, "Kiss of death?"
3. I discovered I am addicted to Mexican food.  I used to just be addicted to Hacienda, but now I'm addicted to the two "Fiesta's" as well.  I was eating Mexican food three times a week.  At 1000 calories per basket of chips and salsa, it's no wonder the scale has been inching upwards.
4. I started to turn to food for comfort instead of God.  Yep, I am a comfort eater to the core.  If things get tough, this girl goes to the fridge.  I had truly gotten a hold of this "habit" for the past three years.  I'm not happy to report I've lost my hold as of late.
5. Laziness.  Lazy mind.  Lazy body.  Lazy heart.

So there you go.... my discoveries.

Now I wanted to keep my discoveries to myself... just a little while longer.... but thanks to my dear husband who cares FAR too much about me to let me go back down the bath of misery - I had to share them outloud.   And we know what that means... A-C-C-O-U-N-T-A-B-I-L-I-T-Y!!!   Yep, I STILL need it after all of these years. 

My husband in all of his wisdom said to me after listening to my "discoveries" - "Well, what's your plan?"

Plan?  I hadn't gotten THAT far.  Geesh, I just got in a room alone with myself.  Baby steps for heaven's sake.

Again he said, "What's your plan?"

I could see he was not laying off. 

So together we made a plan.  I've learned over the years that a plan must be realistic or failure will be lurking.  So for me, I had to break it down.  I choose to focus on two changes in the next 30 days to help form the habits that have and will again lead to success.

For the next 30 days, I will do two things: 

1. I will get back to my previous (and successful) eating habits on my lunch hour.  That means I will not eat Mexican at lunch.  I will not eat out a fancy restaurant every day for lunch.  I will choose to eat lighter and healthier a minimum of three days for lunch and eat at my "favorite" spots no more than two days.  Yes, lunch tends to be a problem for me.  If only I could be like my husband and eat the same thing for lunch every day... tuna fish sandwich, Sunchips, a banana and a granola bar.  Someone shoot me right now.
2. I will work out four days a week.  I will put a calendar on the fridge and plot out for the next 30 days, four workouts a week.  I will also be ready for Plan B and Plan C should things come up that thwart my original workout plans.  Anything less than four is unacceptable.

So this is my 30 day Plan.  I'm not focusing on weight loss.  I'm focusing on new habits that will lead to losing these 10 lbs I shed three years ago.  I will not focus on my failures but will only look forward to regaining self control as well as the life of freedom I have come to love in the past few years.

Friends, I'm sorry if this blog has disappointed you.  You're not alone, I am disappointed in myself as well.  I will tell you that I am not giving up.  I WILL be free again!!